Today, the endless gray pavement is bearable,
as my feet pushes it away, joyfully
knowing that I will come home
to a lighted room
where my weariness will disappear
against the warmth of your skin.
And the jumble of disjointed voices
rising from the city, will be drowned
by the familiar beating sound
of your heart against mine
as my hair slowly comes unbound.
Let me close my eyes
for in the silence of my soul
there is no need for lies.
As the city exhales
the exhausted stories of today,
I just want him to know
there are so many things I want to say.
But I can’t,
not behind this closed doors –
his closed doors
that marked the end,
to a forever that’s been rend ….
And now I’m here, out in the cold
grappling at things left untold.
My heart is breaking
into tiny indiscernible pieces
scattered hopes and wishes
drifting to nothingness
fading into emptiness.
And his absence cuts through me.
I can’t see, oh God, why can’t I see?
A future without him … I need to find me.
I need to breathe and be free
of him — the light in his eyes … his smile.
I know it will take a while
before I’ll forget the softness of his skin on mine,
the sinewy weight of his limbs as we lay entwined.
I know someday I’ll be fine,
and I won’t remember the sound of his voice
or how beautiful,
so heartbreakingly beautiful he looked,
when he made that choice.
The world spins.
The sun sets and the moon rises.
Night turns into day.
The city sleeps and awakens
and this heart that was once forsaken
will surely beat again, scarred but recovered.
Ready for life, ready to live, and rediscover.
I know, I’ll wake up one morning
smiling while thinking
that life courses along
even down avenues of former longings
where my old love is walking by.
And I will be happy,
that he is out there
laughing and smiling without a care,
that he is well and good.
And that in all likelihood
on that day, I too, will be doing well.
And I’ll turn my back and say farewell
to him and his memories.
I’ll probably remember our story,
but I’ll take a deep breath and exhale
for it will be okay, I have prevailed.
All is well ….
Now, I just need to breathe and cope.
And hold on to that vision of hope,
that on that beautiful morning
the sun will be gloriously shining.
Life in the city will be moving.
The day will be flowing.
My heart will be beating.
and I definitely, so definitely,
on that day
will hear myself singing.
Image was taken from slate.com
I dreamt of you yesterday.
We were walking by the sea
barefeet on the golden sands
of a faraway memory.
When was that? I can’t recall.
Last year? Five years ago?
But this, I do know …
like the ancient ocean in my dream
constantly reborn it would seem
with each turning of the tide,
this constant pain too, pulses anew each day.
And the sea, in its murky gray depths
calls to my turbulent soul,
howling across time and space
a pain — this pain, so old and timeless
like the ocean in my memory
where once we walked together
hand in hand
blessed by the warmth of the sun,
with the seawater serenading us
and the sound of your laughter encompassing
that day, that sweet glorious day
where forever was both a dream
and a heartbeat away.
And in my dream,
you looked up at the sky
and the wind blew around you,
lifting your hair to the heavens above.
And all the light of this world cannot compete
at that moment with you.
Everything felt right and complete,
and I was home, and I was whole
within the breathtaking iridescence of your soul.
And the sea, the sparkling, wise, ancient sea
quietly watched us, like an old man knowing
that such happiness cannot last
that the world turns and time flows
like the tides of the ocean, always churning,
and memories of such days would be lost
in the waves of consciousness,
but never completely forgotten …
for time and tide have a way of washing up
our lost treasures on distant shores
where the sun shines, and the wind blows
and a love so timeless could exist
to dance forever upon clear divine waters
reflecting the perfection of an everlasting sky.
But I woke up.
It was a dream.
There was no sea
and no blue skies.
I heard the clock
time slipping away.
Each second turning into yesterday.
Yet memories have me in their grip.
And before I knew it,
I tasted, once again
the saltwater on my lips ….
Featured image above was taken from: photocase.com
I will remember
the slant of sunlight
on your glowing face,
as you sat by the window
caught in the fading embrace
of this tangerine-colored day.
orange happiness cascading over
engulfing with light
this precious moment, with me
and the sea of faces around us,
paled, faded into meaninglessness.
Nothing and no one matters now
except you and me, except us.
I prayed this moment would last.
And so I prolong each second.
Time, our only silent witness
in this space we claim is ours
for this instant
for this fleeting meeting of souls
inner sparks igniting,
in celebration of each other’s light.
Your hair burning brown under that golden sunlight.
Your eyes sparkling, reflecting the warmth of your laughter.
Your cheeks flushed with the intimacy of an imagined forever
with me, yes, with me — now.
And I wish it would never end
I wish I could bottle up this flowing sunlight burning brightly,
so gloriously towards a sweet pinnacle of completeness,
before it recedes … beyond this moment
beyond this time, beyond now ….
Then, will I softly hold your hand
as you kiss me tenderly
before leaving quietly,
while I close my eyes
and hide my face
trying to hold on
to remember everything
before sunset sadness comes
taking the light away
taking the glow
taking completeness … taking you.
And all I could do
is watch the light fade
watch you get lost among the faces
watch as our today become yesterday ….
(Image was taken from http://stephenvramey.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/SayingGoodbye.jpg)
It was cold outside today
and the chill felt heavy
seeping through my lonely old bones.
I watched a young couple pass by.
The lady held a bouquet of roses in her hand
their testament to love
fueled by youthful plans and passion.
The flowers left behind a trail of petals.
And the sidewalk bloomed
transformed from dull to magical.
I have often marvelled
at how love could change the world
how it leaves behind crumbs of hope
assuring us, through a touch or a kiss,
of our life’s purpose and meaning;
how it bestows happiness, or inspires us
with trails of sunlit stories
that guide us when we lose our way
and remind us that we are beings
whose hearts beat out of the need
to be seen, to be heard, to be touched
and to burn like wild fire
under the gentle insistent lips
of a worshipful beloved.
And remembering all that
awakened memories of you.
And the cold and the chill
was replaced by fire.
And my tired old soul
was set aglow by stories of our love
that lay forgotten
within the decrepit corners of my heart.
And I smiled, for today, ever so briefly
I walked with you again.
And we were surrounded
by the fragrance of flowers.
The pain of your soul ripping apart
caused by an old friend
who stabbed you in the back
face like a mask, unblinking
as she watched you slowly bleed.
And you reeled away, in shock
feeling the slow throbbing
of a heart stroke
of a heart pained.
And you search for breath
you cannot find.
In delirium you remember …
the fine broken veins
of wilted roses pressed between pages,
the unforgiving glare
of raging orange sunsets by the sea,
the decaying smell
of tired old photographs turning brown,
the lonely tragedy
of missing diamonds on rings,
the not-so-funny comedy
of you, her, and him.
And you look outside
unto the face of the quiet old moon.
You desperately ask why,
but silence is the only answer
and silver finally falls from your eyes.
I stood outside your door
And fumbled for the key.
The one you gave to me.
When your eyes twinkled
As you said,
Your heart was mine forever.
And it felt like a thousand mornings
Shone their light upon you and I.
Everything felt right.
Yes, this key …
The one you’re taking away from me
Your eyes were so cold
As you shut the door at my face,
And I heard her laughing inside.
And just like that, just like this key
My love, yes, my love was effaced
And night stole into my heart.
And today, I feel so stupid
Standing here, outside
Still holding on to promises
Still yearning for dreams
Still wishing for forever
Still not wanting to sever our ties
Still wanting to believe your lies.
But the hallway was silent
And I heard my footfalls echoing
The emptiness, disturbing the stillness
Of that meaningless space
Growing between you and I,
As I finally decided to walk away
From that key
And from all those lies.
(Note: Photo not mine, it was taken from the web)
to kiss you
and taste the stars in your lips
feel the flickering hunger
of flames dancing
going round and round
like wildfire unbound
beyond control, heat rising
burning everything in its path
leaving behind undying embers
pockets of love marks
searing into skin
on this smoldering landscape
where a single spark
a supernova of desire
that will consume and eclipse
the blinding light of a thousand stars.
I watched you sleep,
heart in my eyes
breathing in your scent.
And in this moment of clarity
caught between night and day
when the heart hears clearly
the muffled thoughts of the day,
as the last sunlight passes
through the window panes ….
A last spark of consciousness,
my thoughts slowly wandered
inside willfully ignored lanes ….
And I honestly marvelled,
at how the window held up
against the elements, and yet
it could not stop the light
it could not block it
it could not hold back the sun ….
as it flowed past,
through its edges
beyond imposed hedges,
the light glowed
so brightly, so truthfully.
And looking at it,
I knew right then
the piercing sadness
of holding someone
who is not really there ….
And I felt myself
under the fading light
in the diminishing warmth
before the coming night
within, the tragedy of your arms.